🍪 Apple's annual event in memes

Author

Bite Sized Beta
September 08, 2022

Welcome back from the long weekend, friends! It was Labor Day AND National Cinema Day - a twofer!! Hope your hungover self took advantage of those $3 movie tix.

Let’s get to the good stuff.

In the oven this week:

  • 🍎 What was announced at Apple’s big event

  • 🍪 Cookie crumbs: 5 bite-sized headlines

  • 🍫 Chocolate chips: 4 of our fave finds of the week

  • 😂 Snickerdoodles: memes for days

FRESHLY BAKED

APPLE'S ANNUAL EVENT IN MEMES

Apple’s fall event was yesterday. It was 2 hours long, and we know - AIN’T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT. But you know us, we out here savin’ you time.

The memelords came through, so we got a fun TLDR for ya if you're on the market for a new device:

New Apple Watch Series 8, SE, and Ultra:

  • Longer battery life

  • Crash detection for when you’ve been in a serious car crash

  • Temp sensor that works with the menstrual cycle tracking app to improve accuracy

  • They also introduced a new model called the Ultra for intense sports tracking and extreme weather

New Airpods Pro 2:

  • Better sound quality and 2x more effective noise cancellation

  • Longer battery life

  • The case also can play a sound so you can find them even when they’re buried underneath last night’s pizza boxes.

Pre-orders start on 9/9 at 5AM PST and ship on 9/23.

New iPhone 14 & 14 Plus:

  • Better camera and video stabilization (aka time for us to finally start our TikTok vlogger careers)

  • It also comes with crash detection and emergency SOS, a cool new feature that allows you to connect with a satellite orbiting the earth so you can send messages when you don’t have cell signal.

New iPhone 14 Pro & 14 Pro Max:

  • There’s now a pill-shaped cutout where the notch used to be, but they’re rebranding it the “dynamic island” (LOL, ok Apple), which can morph into different shapes for things like incoming calls, alerts, notifications, etc.

Phone pre-orders start on 9/9 at 5AM PST and ship on 9/16.

TBH, these upgrades are getting pretty boring and predictable, but hey, it works. Apple's still printing money from iPhone sales.

Sigh… pulls out wallet.

P.S. Has anyone else stopped following the iPhone names since like, the 6S? Pro, Plus, Max, Mini, SE, XR, C, XS Max, X… when’s the iPhone CBD comin’ out??? Give the people what they want, Tim!!

COOKIE CRUMBS

BITE SIZED TREATS

Code Conference is happening through the week. We’ll follow up with a full recap next week, but here are 3 quick snippets from Day 1 & 2:

1. Google CEO Sundar Pichai says he wants to make Google 20% more efficient.

2. Mark Cuban says Martin Shkreli inspired him to start Cost Plus Drugs, a company making low cost generic drugs that has almost 1 million customers now.

3. Ex-Disney CEO Bob Iger says he'd reached a deal to acquire Twitter, but backed out at the last minute because he realized he'd have to figure out how to deal with bots and hate speech.

The ETH merge might happen earlier than expected, with some estimates predicting it might happen as early as 9/13 or 9/14. That means the next time we see ya, we could all be dancing like the Rickroll guy… er Rick. Beware of scams in these next couple of days, if anyone tells you to do anything to prepare for the merge, it’s most likely a scam!

Disney is taking a page out of the Amazon Prime playbook, creating a membership program that will package streaming, parks and merch. The plans are still early, but as long as we get discounted Mickey Mouse ice cream, we’re all ears.

School's back and Zuck's the principal. Meta is spending $150M to bring 10 colleges to the metaverse: each college gets free VR headsets and a virtual campus to make meta happen.

It's happening, people. Twitter's edit button is finally here! You'll be able to make changes for 30 min after posting the OG tweet, and everyone will be able to see your edit history. Sadly though, it's only available for Twitter Blue subscribers (for now).

CHOCOLATE CHIPS

FINDS OF THE WEEK

Speaking of billionaires...

How do you think Bezos made his first billion? (Hint: it wasn’t from Amazon, but a $250K investment in _____?)

Answer’s at the bottom of this email.

SNICKERDOODLES

THURSDAY MEMES

ANSWER

Google. Bezos invested $250K in Google’s seed round in 1998 when they were still coding in a garage. Nothin' like good timing.

Review of the week:

We love a good chortle!!

If you love our stuff, share the goods - fwd this to all the homies that might vibe with us.

What'd you think about this email?