🍪 Elon's in the building

Happy early Halloween, friends! You know us, we love a good reason to get festive. If you still looking for a costume this year, here ya go: 

We got a nice cauldron of goodies for ya today. So sit back, put on Taylor's new album, and let's get to it.

On deck this week:

• 🚰 Elon’s in the building

• 🗳 Trivia of the week 

• 🍪 Cookie crumbs: 5 bite-sized headlines

• 📉 Chart of the day: how much top venture funds really make

• 🍫 Chocolate chips: 4 finds of the week

• 😂 Snickerdoodles: a Hallowmeme special

FRESHLY BAKED

ELON'S IN THE BUILDING

Like literally, he is in the Twitter building.

It’s finally here, people - the Twitter acquisition closes tomorrow. 

That’s right. As we speak, analysts at Morgan Stanley are chugging their 3rd Red Bull and scurrying to put those final touches on the financing. 

But of course, since it’s Twitter, the week just couldn’t end peacefully without drama. 

Earlier this week, it was leaked that Elon Musk told investors he planned to get rid of ~75% of Twitter’s 7.5K workers, leaving just over 2K. 

An HR team’s nightmare.

What did Twitter employees do?

They sent an open letter to Elon with their own demands. And oh man, here comes the comedy.

Their opening offer: they want "respect" in the form of maintaining current headcount and "protection" in the form of preserving benefits like remote work. 

All we're hearing is, "you can’t fire us, but you can’t make us work, either."

Our take - the media beating your employer to the punch with layoff news is brutal. Pretty much as bad as it gets when it comes to corporate comms.

But let's face it, Twitter doesn’t need 7.5K people.

It hasn't shipped a major product update in ages. I know it, you know it, and anybody alive 10 years ago knows it.

TRIVIA OF THE WEEK

TRICK OR TREAT

We're getting into the spooky spirit here at Bite Sized Beta. So, we thought we'd celebrate with some Halloween trivia. Take your votes below👇🏽 No peeking! 

Answers at the bottom of this email.

COOKIE CRUMBS

BITE SIZED TREATS

CHART OF THE DAY

HOW MUCH DO INVESTORS IN VENTURE FUNDS ACTUALLY MAKE?

Here's somethin' new:

The top quartile of venture funds return 2x cash on average.

Let me break it down for ya with some quick definitions: 

TVPI = Total value to paid in capital. Potential profits from fund investments. If a fund’s got a TVPI of 1.5, that means for every dollar invested, LPs are *projected* to get 1.5 dollars back

DPI = Distributions to paid in capital. The real deal - realized returns.

This chart says that for top funds created in each of the years listed, the average DPI was just under 2. (Funds usually have a ~10 year life span to become fully realized.)

When you think about the fact that your money's locked up for a decade, it goes to show that venture investments are not always a good idea, even if they outperform most asset classes.

CHOCOLATE CHIPS

FINDS OF THE WEEK

• The most popular Halloween candy by state. Montana knows wassup.

• 10 ways to be more unbothered

• A website for handy life tools you can use without signing up

• French fry dips around the world and what yours say about you

SNICKERDOODLES

HAPPY HALLOWMEME

You know what else is spooky? All the homies still living life without Bite Sized Beta in their inboxes every Thursday. 

If you love our stuff, don’t forget to share the goods with your friends. Send ‘em this email so they can get in on the treats.

That's all for today, folks - see ya next week! 

ANSWER

1. Alas, Spirit employees only get 25% off store merchandise. I don't know... sounds kinda stingy for a company that makes $600M for 3 months of work every year. 🤔

2. Circus peanuts are most hated, but since that's not really a candy, candy corn comes in second.

3. Millennials. They plan to spend $255 vs an avg. of $169 for the other generations.

What'd you think about this email?

• 🍪🍪🍪 Top notch!

• 🍪🍪 Meh... could use more milk

• 🍪 Undercooked, do better